New Moon Alternative
by KatiieMoose
Summary: This is an alternative version of events from New Moon, mostly from Edward's POV. Please help with a title, I am not very good when it comes to that, but don't judge my story on my inability to come with a non-cliche title. Enjoy. Bella/Jacob included.
1. Chapter 1

_I shouldn't be doing this, _I thought, _this is wrong. _But I couldn't keep myself away from her. I couldn't break my promise though; it must be like I never existed. I knew that she would be fine, she was human, what more could I expect? But I couldn't help watching her sleep, every night staying undetected in her bedroom, just like the first few months I had known her. The urge to reach out and touch her was ridiculously hard to resist. But I had learnt to control my urges many years ago, albeit those urges were in fact the delicious scent of human blood burning in my throat as opposed to staying away from the one being whom all of my love was, and always would be devoted to.

I was brought out of my musing as I winced. I should have been ready for it, it happened so frequently that it shouldn't take me by surprise. Yet every time she screamed my name, that same way she had done when she'd been following me through the woods, a new wave of agony spread through my body in a way that I had never felt before. I couldn't stand to hear her in so much pain, knowing that I had caused it all, I reflexively moved over to her to comfort her, forcing my hands to stop just a millimetre from the warm skin of her cheeks. I was appalled with myself; I hadn't lost control of my emotions like that for over a month, the routine I had been following had to stop.

I had known all along that I was breaking all my own rules, but if she was going to be unhappy because of me, I couldn't just walk away. I needed to suffer for what I had done to her, and if that meant putting myself through the agony of watching her slowly recover from a distance, never being able to take away her pain the way I knew I could, forcing myself deeper into the depression that was taking over more and more of my spacious mind every day, then so be it. Carlisle kept telling me that I shouldn't do this to myself, that I had made the right decision, but he could never understand the agony that I had to go through to compensate for the unforgivable thing I had done.

Without warning, as ever, the desperate, agonising sound of Bella's scream pierced through my body and I knew that for another painfully long day, I would have to stay a very careful proximity away from her, and everyone else in Forks, so as not to fill her with false hope. Word travels fast in a small town like this and if anyone saw me they would almost certainly have got a mob chasing after me, not that they'd catch me, but what good would that do Bella? I hadn't realised how long she'd been screaming for, I'd got distracted, but now that it had stopped, the silence echoed around the room. "Edward?" Bella's beautiful, curious voice whispered, with so much love and adoration in it. I had really broken my rules, before she could realise that she wasn't still dreaming I moved swiftly to the window, jumping out onto the lawn, next to her father's police cruiser and ran with all of my power into the woods. What had I done?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for all of your reviews and subscriptions, I will try to update as much as I can, but exams are the burden of my existence, meaning I do have to revise. I am going to try to write as much as I can this week though. Please, please, please review, I really want to know what you think and what you would like to happen, I will incorporate as many of your ideas as possible including any ideas anyone has for a title lol. Anyway, keep reading, I hope you enjoy it and I hope to hear your comments soon.**

**Disclaimer: for future reference, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. The characters, setting, general idea of the vampires etc and the section in "speech marks" all belong to Stephanie Meyer unfortunately (or I would be a very rich girl). All that I own is my plot.**

**Bella's POV**

_Edward? _I whispered. I swore that had been him. I couldn't have imagined it; I wouldn't let myself imagine things like that. But I knew that I had to have imagined it because there was no way that he could have been in my bedroom, he had left me and he was never coming back. He had made that point quite clear, _it will be as if I'd never existed. _What a ridiculous promise that was, he knew how much I loved him and he knew that I would never be able to forget him, whether it be in ten years or a hundred years, not that I'd ever see a hundred years now. I remembered the last time that he'd been in my room, now that felt like a hundred years ago:

"_The kiss began much the same as usual – Edward was as careful as ever, and my heart began to overreact like it always did. And then something seemed to change. Suddenly his lips became much more urgent, his free hand twisted into my hair and held my face securely to his. And, though my hands tangled into his hair, too, and though I was clearly beginning to cross his cautious lines, for once he didn't stop me. His body was cold through the thin quilt, but I crushed myself against him eagerly."_

The memory that had been suppressed in my subconscious for so many months had taken me by surprise. I hadn't been concentrating and I had still been half asleep. The memory of the kiss was so painful! I knew that it was the most wonderful thing that I had ever felt, but it was the most painful thing to think about. It felt like _he_ had balled his ice cold hand into a fist and plunged it right through my chest. I wanted to scream out in pain, but I knew that I couldn't wake Charlie; I must have woken him every night with the screaming from my nightmares, an extra scream would only make him check on me. I couldn't take that, I needed to be alone, I needed to get used to it. Alone. I was all alone. He was never coming back for me. I would never see him again, except in my delusional mind. I curled myself up into a tight ball in the middle of my bed, I was afraid that if I made any sudden movements I would fall apart, that my body wouldn't be able to take it. I was damaged goods, I could fall apart at any moment, no wonder nobody bothered with me anymore, and I couldn't blame them. Even Mike Newton had given up on me, and that was not something that happened quickly. He might not talk to me anymore, of which I was grateful to him, but I don't think he had quite got over his crush on me, which might still come back to haunt me.

I felt my eyes begin to droop, I had forgotten how tired I was, and that it was the middle of the night. I glanced over at my clock to check how long I had before I could get up. It was three am. At least another 2 hours. Maybe I should try to go to sleep; at least I couldn't be in quite as much pain as when I was awake. I wished I had my lullaby to fall asleep to. Again, my tiredness had made my concentration slip and the tears slid silently from my eyes. I had never cried so much in my life before these last few months. I was never much of a whiney child; I was too busy looking after Renée to have time to cry. She always said that I'd been born 30 years old and I knew that I would always be more mature than her. But now, I really was the one who needed looking after, not that I would tell my parents that, they had enough to worry about in their own lives. I was old enough to nurse myself back to health from the illness that I had inflicted upon myself. When did I ever think that being in love with a vampire would work out? From then on I just went numb while I cried myself to sleep, I could only hope that I wouldn't dream, I didn't hold my breath.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I am so sorry that I haven't updated in so long guys! I was on holiday last week so I had no internet access whatsoever! Thank you for the reviews and subscriptions etc, keep them coming I really appreciate it and I really love to hear what you think and what you want to happen next. I will really try to write more this week as I am on study leave now and have nothing to do with myself during the day. Well, as ever, enjoy the chapter. Oh, btw, don't lose hope, there will be more Edward soon, I promise!**

**Bella's POV**

I got dressed with difficulty, not really noticing what I was putting on, concentrating more on holding together the huge hole in the middle of my chest together. It was too early to go downstairs but I couldn't stay in my room any longer, there were too many memories I had to try desperately to repress and I didn't have enough energy for school, let alone crying as well. I trudged down the stairs into Charlie's tiny kitchen and went to the fridge to get out the eggs, if I made Charlie's breakfast for him it might get him off my case, it was usually a task I left to him, but it meant a limited range of breakfasts due to Charlie's limited culinary skills. I was too tired for anything fancy so I put some oil into the frying pan and waited for it to heat up enough for the eggs.

Charlie came down the stairs just as I was sliding the eggs from the frying pan onto his plate, his face was everything I expected, and then something I hadn't recognised. He warily sat down in his usual seat, eyeing the eggs as if they were raw on his plate. I checked just in case, I could never be sure of what I was doing these days. There never seemed a point to anything, the point of my existence had left me months ago and I didn't know what to do with my life anymore. Charlie interrupted my train of thought by slamming his fist down on the kitchen table with some considerable force. "Damn it Bella listen to me!" he yelled, I hadn't even realised that he'd been talking to me, I wondered if I'd been doing that a lot lately. "What is wrong with you today? I know you haven't been coping that well, but today, making me breakfast, not concentrating, not eating, is there something you need to tell me?"

I hadn't realised that I'd been making myself that obvious; normally I could hide how badly I was coping from Charlie, but obviously not this morning. But what was he talking about? What could I possibly have to tell him? I never leave the house apart from school or work, what news could there possibly be? Again my wondering was interrupted by Charlie shouting my name. "Bella, I know you want to move back with your Mom, will you just tell me straight because this is killing me!" Suddenly it all fell into place, Charlie was worried that I was leaving him; I can't see that he'd miss me, I was hardly human company.

"Dad, calm down, I'm not moving to Jacksonville" I whispered, but Charlie wasn't listening, he was in full blown panic mode now, trying to convince me to stay.  
"I know you think it's what's best, but you're in the middle of the school year, you can't ruin your education like that Bells, and you should focus on your exams. And is there really any point in moving now when you'll be moving again for college in a few months time? Please Bella, don't leave me now, I've only just got you back, I need you kid, I..."  
"Dad, I'm staying here" I managed to say with slightly more volume, but it was still a weak attempt considering I knew what I could really do. Charlie's face went back down from red to its normal colour when he had registered what I'd said. Relief washed over his face, followed immediately by confusion. "So what is all this about then? You never make me breakfast". His curiosity sounded more like an accusation though, I wasn't used to Charlie questioning me about things, after that first week he had pretty much just left me to do what I wanted, probably afraid of starting the weeping again.

Charlie pushed the paper toward me innocently but I pushed it straight back to him. I couldn't cope with reading the paper; something in there might remind me of _him_. When Charlie looked at me with a worried expression I simply told him that I'd already read it, simple enough and he seemed to believe it. I got up then, going to pick up my bag, but Charlie grabbed me by the elbow and turned me round to face him. "Why don't you go out tonight? You haven't been out with your friends in months. Don't forget them Bella. What about the Webbers' girl, she's nice." I didn't really relish the thought of spending the evening with someone else, but I liked Angela and if it kept Charlie happy then surely it couldn't hurt.  
"Ok dad, I'll sort something out at school, I'll leave you a note."

With that I turned and strode out of the door not wanting to be with other people but just sit alone in my ancient truck. I left Charlie with a triumphant look on his face. He clearly thought that I was starting to make an improvement; well if it pleased him then I wouldn't advise him otherwise. He deserved some happiness after all of the pain and suffering I had caused him over the last few months. I thought about that as I turned the key and my old Chevy pickup roared into life. Even that couldn't surprise me anymore, the thing that had made me jump every time I turned the key in the ignition.

I drove to school not really registering where I was going. Before I had chance to realise I was sat in my usual space in the parking lot with the key in my pocket. I was glad of the distraction, of the numbness that went with it, It was all I could hope for in my dull monotone life that had not hope of ever turning back to colour. The sun I had orbited around had burnt out, and my life had been left in darkness.

The morning's lessons flew past in another blur, of which this time I was not grateful, I knew what I had to do in the lunch hour and I had a feeling that it was going to be harder than I had anticipated. _Anything to keep Charlie happy_, I reminded myself as I shuffled nervously into the cafeteria.


End file.
